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— Journal —

I Lost My Job, My Husband Cheated On Me, And Lockdown: Surviving The End Of 2020

December 27, 2020
Maja on Kinder Low overlooking Kinder Reservoir and Manchester in the Peak District.

This is probably one of the most painful blog posts I have ever had to write.

The past few months have been the absolute worst of my entire life. I have experienced insurmountable pain and it has been so real and so raw.

Unfortunately, I lost my job on 16 September, the day before my 28th birthday, and was made redundant. With the government furlough scheme supposed to end, I would receive my last paycheck from work on 30 October.

On 24 October, I found out my husband Adam was cheating on me, sleeping with someone else and had been lying to me about it for months.

Throw in the global pandemic, lockdowns, being thousands of miles away from my family and many of my friends and I can honestly say that it is enough that I am still alive. I am alive and for right now, that is the biggest victory to me.

About the Job

Like many others this year, my job in the travel industry fell victim to the ‘rona. I was furloughed for several months and then made redundant, meaning I had to start job searching in the middle of the pandemic.

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The pain of losing my job was so real at times. I felt angry at coronavirus, because without the pandemic I’d still have a job and my career. My self-esteem plummeted, I felt worthless, I felt like I was nothing because I scored in the bottom set and was made redundant. I know it’s not a reflection on me, my company did not want to make me redundant in the slightest and it was painful for those people to make those decisions. But it was a process unlike any other I’ve had in my working life.

The incredible financial stress, particularly once I was living alone, has been extremely difficult.

By some miracle, I was offered an amazing temp job just days after finding out the truth about him. I have managed to start a new job, completely remotely, and thrive despite the stress and personal struggles I have gone through. Things look positive for me for the first few months of 2021 with another short-term contract, actually returning to my old job. I am so grateful for this. It has given me the strength to go on.

About Him

I loved my husband deeply and unconditionally. I trusted him completely. I truly believed he was my soulmate, and that we were meant to be together. I loved him with every inch of my heart.

He has caused me unbelievable pain and hurt me more than I could have ever imagined was possible.

Even after finding out, in the last two months he has still made choices that have hurt me deeply. His cruelty no longer shocks me, but it does sadden me. He does not need to be hurtful and vindictive, but he has chosen that path anyway.

He became a completely different person. He’s no longer the man I knew and loved and married. That man is gone, I have no idea where he went or what happened. As I grieve for the loss of the relationship, I also have to grieve for that man—who I never got to say goodbye to, and who is so far gone.

I have been honest and open about our relationship both on this blog, and in real life. We were together for 6.5 years, married for 4.5 years, and living together for 4 years. We eloped in Gibraltar, and I’ve spent thousands on visa fees to live with him in the UK. I have shared so much of our relationship publicly and so many people from around the world have supported us. And for so much of our relationship, we were incredibly happy. He made me extraordinarily happy, and I loved him very much. I cannot pretend like this didn’t happen—even if he can.

There are many disgusting things I discovered when I found the messages. It was clear he was never going to tell me. He waited until he got caught. The cowardice is astounding.

I gave him many opportunities to come clean, because I knew, deep down, that something was wrong. He chose to lie, to my face, for months. I felt like I was going crazy, because of what he said and did. But I was right.

Due to the circumstances, I had to buy a new bed.

As if it couldn’t get worse, he cheated on me with her at Taco Bell.

He was horrible to me in many ways for several months. There were many times when I didn’t think I would make it. While the pain is real, a huge part of me is relieved that I no longer have to live that way.

I will move forward. I have survived this far, I will make it. When you’re at the bottom, the only way to go is up.

About Lockdown

England was put into a second national lockdown less than two weeks after I found out the truth. This meant non-essential shops and places like gyms were closed, you were only able to see people from your own household, and you shouldn’t really be leaving the house unless necessary (or for exercise).

I have never lived alone before, and living alone, in the middle of a pandemic, in the middle of lockdown, in a foreign country far away from my family, unable to see my friends in person, was extraordinarily difficult.

Not only is it about living alone, but being unable to meet my friends indoors. When all I want to do is anything “normal” like going out for drinks or a meal with my friends—it’s impossible. It was a tough 4 weeks and there were a few times when I honestly wasn’t sure if I’d make it through. But in spite of the hardships, I actually felt less alone living alone, than the last few months with him before I found out. I have so many more friends and people who care about me than I ever could have imagined. For that I am so grateful.

About the Blog

I haven’t felt able to share anything on my blog since this has happened. I can’t pretend this hasn’t happened to me, I can’t pretend like I’m okay when things have been so dark. I love this blog, it is my baby, and I will continue sharing on here. Adam loved being Mr. Away With Maja for many years, and even though he won’t be in Away With Maja’s future, he is still on every inch of this blog. He has read every post I have written in the last 4 (nearly 5) years. Nearly all of the trips I have written about since starting this blog have been trips he and I took together. He has taken nearly all of the photos of me you see on here. He has read and helped to edit posts before I publish them for years. He cheered me on and championed me. He has been a huge part of this blog, and I’m not going to go back and delete him out of it. It would be impossible to do so, as he is on every page—whether he’s mentioned by name or not, he is there. And I feel like to do that would be unfair to him and the support he gave me as Away With Maja.

I have a number of posts from trips he and I took this summer, to Wales and particularly the North Coast 500 in Scotland, that have already been written and were ready to publish before I discovered the truth. I’m not sure what I’ll do with those posts yet, or when I will feel ready to share them, but they will eventually go live on the blog. Traveling is a part of me—it was there before him and before we got together. And traveling will always be there for me, even though he isn’t.

I’m moving forward, day by day, inch by inch. I am stronger than ever before and I will get through this.

Every day, I wake up and I am alive. And I remember to be grateful for that.

I will have an amazing life. I will do incredible things.

The world is still there, patiently waiting for me with open arms.

The hardest part is over. I will survive.

Thank you to every person in my life who has supported me. To those who have reached out to me, to the nearly 100 people who messaged me on Instagram when I shared what happened earlier in the week. To all of you who have cared about me and my journey. If you are reading this, thank you. In my darkest moments, when I felt like I had no one, I had you.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

 

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40 thoughts on “I Lost My Job, My Husband Cheated On Me, And Lockdown: Surviving The End Of 2020”

  2. Maya I feel your pain and your families. But I know your are going to make it! Stay strong and better times are coming. Peace to you ❤

  4. We wish you a much better 2021. It sounds as if things are on the up. Good luck with the new job and hope the blog goes from strengh to strength. X

    1. Thank you so much Robert, that is so kind and I really appreciate all the support you’ve given over the years. Best wishes to you for 2021 as well 🙂 xx

  5. You are incredible, and you have so many excellent things to look forward to. You’ve always been an inspiration, and the way you’ve handled this is further reason for it. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. It must be so hard to say all of this, but to write so beautifully and with such insight is a brave thing. Always proud of you, always love you!

  6. That’s a brave post to write & painful for sure. It does show your inner strength & that strength will get you through this. Travel solo for a while while you find your feet again. I hope 2021 brings new adventures and the job works out for you. You will bounce back.

  7. I am so, so very sorry! Sending you good thoughts, prayers and hugs for a brighter and happier new year. Please know that even strangers care.

  8. I’m in England and first year here, also feel very isolated, but I’m sure I’ve gain some courage from your blog – which I am a newbie. Good luck in 2021

  9. hey, just read this. hmu, zoom, email, call, whatsapp, if you need to talk, vent, scream, cry, virtual hugs, etc… so sorry. love you cuz

  10. Maja, you’re so SO strong! I’ve been reading your posts for a few years now. Once the rona hit, I dropped off reading travel blogs for a bit, because they made me way too jealous. GIRL, your personality radiates through all your posts. Though I’ve never met you in person, I feel like I know you. And I KNOW you will be just fine. I got out of an 8-year relationship due to similar heartbreak, and I know you will be okay with a little time and a lot of self-appreciating and loving yourself like you deserve. I won’t patronize you, but just know that you’re young, you’re full of life, and you’re better off without him if that’s the kind of person that has been simmering hideously under the surface all this time. I wish you so much happiness, and I can’t wait to read more of your new stuff! I hope you look back on these comments after a bit of time, and this will all have just seemed like a bad fever dream. I’m excited for your future 🙂

    1. Thank you so much, you have no idea how much I appreciate your kind words. I’m so sorry that you had to go through something similar. I am alive and grateful for that, and I hope the next chapter will be a bit brighter 🙂 thank you so much for your comment and for reading <3

  22. Waw Maja. I just discovered your page and I’m so happy I did. Read 4 articles in one evening. Thank you for your raw honesty and insightful nature. I’ve learnt a lot

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